"Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were
taken from official court records nationwide...
- Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
- Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
until the next morning?
- Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?
- Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
- The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
- Were you alone or by yourself.
- How long have you been a French Canadian?
- Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
- Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
- Were you present in court this morning when you were
- Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
- Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
Q: What were you doing at that time?
- Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
- So you were gone until you returned?
- Q: She had three children, right?
Q: How many were boys?
Q: Were there girls?
- You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
it looked like, but can you describe it?
- Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
- Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
- A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
- Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
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Last modified 13:20PM 08/2/95
Created by John Neystadt